How to Beat a Stanley Cup Sized Hangover

Rumors of the Bruins demise were unfathomably exaggerated.

Remeber that season when the Bruins started off 3-10 and then they went on to have a terrible season? That was 2011-2012 right? Nope. Unfortunately for the rest of the NHL the season isn’t decided in the first 13 games because the Bruins have made it clear,with punishing brutality, that they are back and still contenders in the Eastern Conference. The Bruins have rattled off nine victories in a row to put them at 12-7-0 on the season and only two points back from Toronto for first in the Northeast.

The Bruins were just suffering from a Stanley Cup Hangover and, as someone who has experienced one or two of those myself, I can see that they get over a hangover the same why that I do.

First when I wake up I take a shower. It washes away the grime and debauchery of the previous night and clears my head. The Bruins hangover shower came on opening night when they took a 2-1 loss to the Philadelphia Flyers, on a night when they raised there banner to the rafters. The game was a clear reminder that last season was washed away now a new season had begun.

After showering I then drink any and all water that I can find. Just chug it down like you read about. I don’t think water tastes as good, feels as cold or is as refreshing as when you drink it the morning after tossing back to many. Your mouth is drier than the Sahara and all you can think about is how uncomfortably warm you feel. The only relief is when you are pounding Dasani bottles a case at a time. Even better is if you can get your hands on an electrolyte saturated sports drink. That is even better. The Bruins water or beverage of

Sit down. Shut up. Milan Lucic isn't afraid of any Sabre. (Greg M. Cooper/US Presswire).

choice, has been the steady (and phenomenal play) of Tyler Seguin. Seguin was a fresh faced kid in the Stanley Cup last season but cutting your chops in a seven game series sure makes your grow up fast. Seguin is currently leading the Bruins in points (21), goals (11) and +/- (17), which happens to be second in the NHL. While guys that were expected to be big (Krejci, Lucic and Marcharnd) stumbled early Seguin has been, to use Stu Scott’s favorite line, as cool as the other side of the pillow.

Once showered I have to get some food inside of me. Generally it’s best if it’s as greasy as possible. Something I probably wouldn’t even want to look at let alone ingest on a normal day. Something like McDonald’s or one of those Breakfast specials at a diner where you get eggs, toast, hash browns, two pancakes, sausage and bacon. It’s not pretty to watch and it doesn’t make me feel really good (or proud of myself) but it soaks up the alcohol and pushes me towards feeling at least human. The Bruins certainly had a buffet of games they wouldn’t be proud of, as they worked out the kinks in their hangover. After the loss to the Flyers the Bruins went just 2-10 and looked pretty hapless. They dropped to last place in the Northeast. Talk about going from the top of the mountain to rock bottom.

The last and final recipe to my hangover cure is the post-drinking crap. Sorry to be crass or crude but everybody does it (there’s even a book about that) and after a night of drinking the post-crap is a liberating feeling. All the terrible pain and sloshing matter in your intestines seems to just leave your body and then you walk away and feel like you’re ready to take on the world (or another bender). The Bruins post-hangover crap ahs been over their last nine games as they have let out all their frustration in a brutally physical style of play that has gotten them very few fans among other teams, but more important has secured a number of victories. They have been tearing teams up scoring six goals or more in five of the nine straight wins. By doing so the Bruins have climbed to second in the NHL in both goals per game and goals allowed per game. Last time I checked scoring goals was the most important stat so if the Bruins are scoring more than most and allowing less than most I think they’re doing okay right now.

Milan Lucic and Zdeno Chara are cracking skulls around the league. Call me biased but that hit by Lucic on Buffalo’s Ryan Miller was out of the goalie box and into Millers shoulder. I don’t know how you get a concussion when you get hit in the shoulder but obviously Miller houses his vital organs in different areas than most humans. And that swipe? Please that was pathetic. There is a lot of talk about whether or not the Sabres will retaliate against Lucic tonight when the two teams go head to head for first in the Northeast. I have a feeling Boston isn’t going to be skating scared. At all.

Anyway, Tim Thomas is making chumps of opposing offenses, while Tuuka Rask does the same on Timmy’s nights off. And Seguin has just continued to do more of the same, while the rest of the team improves around him. Looks like the hangover’s done now it’s time to start the defense of the Cup.

-Phil

Are the Bruins back? Let us know in the comments or on Twitter (@seeuinoctober).

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